How Hooking Up Hurts
Each sexual experience outside of marriage is like stepping in poop. When you have poop on your shoe, but don't know it, you stink up your house. The same is true with sex. Many are unaware of how bad the consequences are of having sex before the commitment of marriage. The underlying problems will permeate your future marriage with a lingering stench that ultimately can destroy your family.

Today as the Faith Coach and my personal experience of establishing my own marriage on the wrong foundation, and suffering the consequences, I have gained valuable insight into why many marriages fail. I believe sex before marriage is the leading cause to the high rate of divorce today causing the destruction of the family.

Over the past years popular shows like "Sex In The City" and "Friends" redefined intimacy. Now our society accepts "hooking up" and "friends with benefits" as a way to casually connect with the opposite or same sex for entertainment and pleasure.

Research shows confusion over the interpretation of what sex means. Some conclude that oral and anal activity is not sex at all. With this misunderstanding and the breakdown of the family we have girls desperately wanting to feel loved. Girls give themselves away by performing sexual acts to satisfy the desires of a guy. In return they receive some token of appreciation or attention with the idea that they will feel loved. Yet casual sex leads to rejection, the destruction of self-worth, and depression. 

Today young men and women believe a lie that is killing them and their future relationships. What society doesn't know will hurt them. Hooking up hurts. Here are seven reasons why intimacy is destroyed by being sexual before the marriage vows take place:

Seven Destroyers of Intimacy
1.    Disappointment: People often think that the passionate illicit sex experienced prior to marriage vows will continue into marriage. Sorry, but life happens!  We get tired, bored, uninterested, and we can even experience headaches.

When we settle down in marriage it should be about commitment, friendship, and feeling honored. Our relationship should not be based on sexuality. When the relationship begins with sexual intimacy instead of developing healthy communication, often one spouse can feel disappointed, rejected, and bitter when the sexual intimacy wanes.
 
Each sexual experience is like a leech that latches on and we never forget. Those experiences can cause comparisons that may lead to disappointment later with our spouse. No reason to test drive your potential partner as we often hear. In a safe, loving relationship developed with honor and respect you should be able to openly share your needs with your loving spouse. And if you need help there are plenty of books and magazines that will offer advice, but wait to read those with your spouse.

2.    Disrespect: Often having a sexual relationship in dating can lead to feelings of being used and rejected. Premarital sex is the pursuit of self-gratification at the expense of someone else’s honor. A safe loving sexual relationship is one of the benefits of marriage not of dating. 

Never disrespect yourself by giving into a pushy man or woman who demands sex. If you are valued for who you are, not what you do in bed, then he or she will wait until marriage. "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." (1Corinthians 6:18)

3.    Disillusionment: Often sex will cloud our perception. We are unable to see clearly who that person is. We ignore all the character flaws and red flags. Being sexually enmeshed in the relationship prevents us from breaking away from the dating relationship. In marriage those problems become clear, yet they were there all along. We just covered them up by being sexual. Women, save yourself a lot of trouble, keep your eyes open to potential problems, while you keep your panties on.

4.    Disease:  Over fifty million men and women in the United States are infected with sexually transmitted diseases that can cause severe pain, infertility, cervical cancer, and birth defects to children. Not to mention humiliation when you find someone you want to marry, but have to explain that you have an STD. The Bible says, "What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?" (Romans 6:18) 

A growing number of Genital Herpes continues with as many as 500,000 new cases each year. One million people are infected with HIV, with as many as 45,000 new AIDS cases reported each year. Source of data: American Social Health Association.
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Romans 6:18-23
What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things resulted in death! But now that you have been set free from sin...the benefit you reap leads to holiness and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.

1Corinthians 6:13-17, The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
 
1Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.